Monsters with Mustaches Case Study #6: Fauntleroy

Name: Fauntleroy
Age: 52
Mustache: Nebbish-like

This bright-eyed gentleman is Fauntleroy. He was born in Nebraska and got into the punk music scene with his first band, Vicious Milkshake, at the tender age of fourteen. He criss-crossed the country for the next twenty years before settling in San Francisco, where he owns an ice cream parlor (also called Vicious Milkshake). He and his wife foster kittens for the local animal shelter and run marathons together. He has had his mustache for eight years.

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study #5: Zaft

Name: Zaft
Age: 37
Mustache: Jaunty Pencil

The expression in this portrait is characteristic of Zaft, who is frequently surprised. He is surprised when his vintage bicycle gets a flat tire. He is surprised when he realizes he's planted too much zucchini in his organic garden. He is surprised when his partner, Terry, remembers his birthday. He is surprised everyday when he looks in the mirror and sees his mustache, as he often forgets it is there (and has been, since it appeared one morning in 1983). Interestingly enough, thunder and lightning do not surprise him, as his large horn-like protuberances are prone to tingling before a storm. Zaft enjoys watching thunderstorms with Terry.

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study # 4: Bogart

Name: Bogart
Age: 71
Mustache: Fancy

Bogart is an enigma, but a harmless one. Despite a shockingly low IQ of 85, he managed to become a lauded Shakespearean actor, most notably playing the lead roles in Central Park's summer Shakespeare series from 1958-1962. However, his dim wits were no match for the excesses of fame and fortune in New York at the time, and the end of the 1960s found him penniless and deep in an alcoholic stupor. A devoted aunt plucked him from his tenement and took him on as the activities director at her B&B in Manzanillo, Mexico, and he has remained there ever since. He claims to have lost an eye in a deep sea fishing accident, but some say it is still there, and merely lazy. He has had his mustache for twenty years; it itches.

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study #3: Linus

Name: Linus
Age: 50
Mustache: Biker

This blue-eyed gentle giant is Linus. His true height is 7'11", but he is insecure about it and stoops so he only looks 7'5". He was born deaf, and currently works as a librarian at a university for the hearing impaired in San Jose. He is an avid amateur chef, and met his girlfriend Emily online in a forum for fans of molecular gastronomy. They recently learned how to windsurf.

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study #2: Pierre

Name: Pierre (Allegedly)
Age: Unknown
Mustache: Gallic

This handsome specimen is Pierre, though he has also been known to use the names "Pedro", "Petrus", and,"Sally". He is wanted in six states for check fraud and forgery. He is fluent in seven languages, including Mandarin, and should be considered extremely dangerous and/or seductive. He has three illegitimate children (that he knows of). He has had his mustache since birth.

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study #1: Carl

Name: Carl
Age: 25
Mustache: Bristly

Carl is an amateur conspiracy theorist who lives in his mother's basement in Brooklyn, NY. He subsists on a diet of canned ravioli and lattes from Gorilla Coffee. He has a crush on a barista there, but is too shy to ask her out. He's had his mustache for six months; he grew it hoping she would notice. She hasn't.