Monsters With Mustaches: Hostile Takeover!!!!

Nombre: Alejandro
Años: Eterno!
Bigote: como Dali

Atención de la gente insignificante blog - sus esfuerzos para rastrear monstruos es lamentable. Usted ha perdido su tiempo con estos Rudys y Carls estos y que no aceptan ni siquiera mi imagen super sexy y peligroso cuando se lo envío a usted tres veces! Debe haberse perdido en el correo, que usted dice - ¡pero no! El seguimiento de UPS dice entregado! Bigote, que tiembla de ira gloriosa en su insolencia. Me han hackeado tu blog para que mi furia se conoce - Yo soy Alejandro y no voy a ser ignorados! He tenido mi bigote de respiración por más tiempo de lo que han llamado, mi amigo fofo patético. ¡Adiós! Por ahora ...

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study #7: Rudy

Name: Rudy
Age: 53
Mustache: Fancy Swirl

On his 18th birthday in 1975, Rudy attended the senior prom with Gertrude Polanski, his chemistry lab partner and true love. They danced to "Love Will Keep Us Together" by the Captain and Tenille, and as the song reached its stirring crescendo, Rudy leaned in to consummate their teenage love with a kiss. Suddenly Gertrude ran screaming from the room. She had had a severe allergic reaction to Rudy's imported French mustache wax, which he had applied liberally in the hopes of impressing his date with his carefully sculpted facial hair. Unfortunately, the reaction caused her to be horribly disfigured, and she spent the rest of her life in a facility for the facially unfortunate, never allowing Rudy to see her scarred face again. Each year, on his birthday, the anniversary of the incident, Rudy puts on the suit he wore that night, listens to the song that was playing, and gets stupid drunk. He has had his mustache, and his broken heart, for thirty five years. He is not dangerous, he is merely sad.

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study #6: Fauntleroy

Name: Fauntleroy
Age: 52
Mustache: Nebbish-like

This bright-eyed gentleman is Fauntleroy. He was born in Nebraska and got into the punk music scene with his first band, Vicious Milkshake, at the tender age of fourteen. He criss-crossed the country for the next twenty years before settling in San Francisco, where he owns an ice cream parlor (also called Vicious Milkshake). He and his wife foster kittens for the local animal shelter and run marathons together. He has had his mustache for eight years.

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study #5: Zaft

Name: Zaft
Age: 37
Mustache: Jaunty Pencil

The expression in this portrait is characteristic of Zaft, who is frequently surprised. He is surprised when his vintage bicycle gets a flat tire. He is surprised when he realizes he's planted too much zucchini in his organic garden. He is surprised when his partner, Terry, remembers his birthday. He is surprised everyday when he looks in the mirror and sees his mustache, as he often forgets it is there (and has been, since it appeared one morning in 1983). Interestingly enough, thunder and lightning do not surprise him, as his large horn-like protuberances are prone to tingling before a storm. Zaft enjoys watching thunderstorms with Terry.

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study # 4: Bogart

Name: Bogart
Age: 71
Mustache: Fancy

Bogart is an enigma, but a harmless one. Despite a shockingly low IQ of 85, he managed to become a lauded Shakespearean actor, most notably playing the lead roles in Central Park's summer Shakespeare series from 1958-1962. However, his dim wits were no match for the excesses of fame and fortune in New York at the time, and the end of the 1960s found him penniless and deep in an alcoholic stupor. A devoted aunt plucked him from his tenement and took him on as the activities director at her B&B in Manzanillo, Mexico, and he has remained there ever since. He claims to have lost an eye in a deep sea fishing accident, but some say it is still there, and merely lazy. He has had his mustache for twenty years; it itches.

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study #3: Linus

Name: Linus
Age: 50
Mustache: Biker

This blue-eyed gentle giant is Linus. His true height is 7'11", but he is insecure about it and stoops so he only looks 7'5". He was born deaf, and currently works as a librarian at a university for the hearing impaired in San Jose. He is an avid amateur chef, and met his girlfriend Emily online in a forum for fans of molecular gastronomy. They recently learned how to windsurf.

Monsters with Mustaches Case Study #2: Pierre

Name: Pierre (Allegedly)
Age: Unknown
Mustache: Gallic

This handsome specimen is Pierre, though he has also been known to use the names "Pedro", "Petrus", and,"Sally". He is wanted in six states for check fraud and forgery. He is fluent in seven languages, including Mandarin, and should be considered extremely dangerous and/or seductive. He has three illegitimate children (that he knows of). He has had his mustache since birth.